Who the heck do I think I am?

Okay, I am a genius. I'm sure this has also been done before, but shut up. I'm SMRT.

So, for reasons that probably don't need to be explained (or, well, better not have to be because I really can't right now), I was thinking last night about how much one could condense and compress the core story of Harry Potter - and specifically, could one get it down to a drabble?

Well, I couldn't quite manage 100 words, but I think I did a pretty good job with 200. It could be tweaked, I'm sure.

Mind you, this is pretty bare-bones - no subplots, no explanations, no characters unless they're absolutely integral. Okay, one or two things because I had room. (The really bare-bones version is 150 words!) But here, for your amusement, is my open beta double-drabble on Harry Potter:


Harry Potter lived in a cupboard until age 11. He learns he’s a wizard whose parents were murdered by Voldemort, who is not quite dead. Voldemort tries to reincorporate during Harry’s first year at wizarding school, but fails because he can’t touch Harry. In year two, Harry also destroys a diary containing a past echo of Voldemort. In his third year, Harry learns that his godfather Sirius was framed and the man responsible, Peter Pettigrew, has been hiding ever since. Harry helps Sirius, but Pettigrew also escapes and helps Voldemort return. This breaks the enchantment protecting Harry from Voldemort’s touch. Harry realizes he can see Voldemort’s thoughts, but Voldemort tricks him into thinking Sirius is in danger. Harry tries to rescue Sirius but Sirius falls through a curtain and dies. Harry then learns from Dumbledore that Voldemort separated fragments of his soul into Horcruxes, like the diary. Dumbledore assigns Harry the task of finding and destroying the others. He does. Meanwhile, Voldemort searches for a magic wand that will make him invincible. Neville kills a snake, Voldemort kills Harry, which busticates the Harry-horcrux, but Harry comes back and wins because Voldemort grabbed the wrong wand. The End. Epilogue? What Epilogue?


Thank you, ladies and gentlemen! I'll be here all week. Tip your waiters!

Comment with your own versions! HP in 200 words or less!

We're leaving for Infinitus TOMORROW!

Leg one of our journey starts once I pack my car and go to A's house, where we will pack the car MORE and then drive to our hotel which is just south of Philly.

Leg two will be getting up Sunday and booking down to the other side of D.C. where we will catch the AutoTrain. Adventur! Train overnight in our little "roomette".

We will arrive in Orlando Monday morning and proceed to the Royal Pacific once we get our car off the train. We will have WiFi definitely in the hotel tomorrow night, but I don't know that we will on the train.

Then INFINITUS begins OMG.

This whole last couple days have been weird. Because of the intense heat I've been basically living in my bedroom instead of the front of the house (because here's where the A/C unit is). It's been surreal, only going out into the rest of the house when necessary. I've also been doing all the little things one does when leaving the house for almost two weeks: cleaning out the food gone bad (so it's not all even more STINKY when I get back) and all the packing that couldn't be done until I was done with the items going in. And dealing with all the last-minute stuff that we're dealing with in preparation.

And in the midst of this, pegkerr turned me on to this HILARIOUS blog on Buzznet: Mark Reads Harry Potter. I've caught up with his reading of SS and CoS and the 15 chapters he's read so far of PoA. They are hysterical. He's reading each book and blogging the experience, one chapter at a time, trying to remain as spoiler-free as possible - not easy when people spoil him in the comments. I really feel for him, about that, because the absolute charm of this project is watching him discover everything as a first-time reader who, remarkably, knows next to nothing about HP. It's great fun and needless to say his reviews are GOLD. He's fair when he sees a critical problem, but overall he's experiencing the wonder and the WTF and the OMG that is the first time through a series with this many twists and turns.

He apparently came to this project after reviewing Twilight in the same manner - and I'm reading that now. OMG, so funny. He totally calls Twilight for the POS that it is (I mean, really, it IS) and is HATING every chapter with more and more hatred. These are endlessly entertaining, folks.

Mark Reads Harry Potter - go all the way back to the beginning, it's High-freaking-larious.

Also, ABC Family is doing HP weekend again with previews and inside looks at HP&theDH, but I'm excited because at 11:00 I am going to watch MOOSE ATTACK! on Discovery. It should be all kinds of AWESOME. I mean. It's about MOOSE. ATTACKING! It's got to be cracktastic.

Maybe worth a second glass of wine. I think so, don't you?

(Oh and in other news my house got chosen to be a ratings family. I think. It just said 337, no unit number. I may have to take the paperwork with me and go online to file to make sure they don't want my landlord's unit instead of mine. Because fuck yeah, I want to be a ratings family!)

I am not on Facebook. Or Twitter. (The Gwendolyn or Gwen Grace on each of those is NOT ME.) I am on LinkedIn, but by my real (legal) name, not my fan / SCA ones.

I do not have a photography studio in Arizona.

I am not an Executive Delivery Program Manager at IBM in Denver, or an Independent Investment Banking Professional in New York City, or an Office Manager in Dallas/Fort Worth.

I was not born in 1937.

I am not a pig who dreams of becoming a ballet dancer. (No. Really.)

I am not a student at Johns Hopkins.

I am not a blogger on a poetry competition board. (Wow.)

Um....

I'm also kinda flabbergasted. I guess there really is nothing original out there.

(You Know You're Hooked on Supernatural When....)

As I suspect many of you do, I buy cereal by what's on sale.

Well, last week, my grocery store had boxes of Kellogg's on sale, specifically the varieties and size boxes that advertised a "free watch" inside.

Now, any of you who have kids (or pay attention to this stuff like a kid) will know/remember that whenver cereal boxes offer something of this nature, there are usually two kinds of Thing: one that is aimed at girls (usually a Barbie something) and one that is aimed at boys (Lego, or in this case Hot-Wheels).

Well, I bought my two boxes of cereal, and this morning when I opened up the Frosted Flakes (to find a Hot Wheels watch inside!), my inner 12-year-old Dean and his 8-year-old brother Sam had the following conversation (in my head):

Dean: Dude, it's a Hot Wheels watch. Cool. (Proceeds to set it)
Sam: How come you get it?
Dean: Sam, chill, there's another box.
Sam: Is there a watch in that one?
Dean: Yeah. You can have that one when we're ready for that box.
Sam: Why can't I have it now?
Dean: 'Cause we just opened this box.
Sam: So?
Dean: Dude, I'm not opening a whole other box of cereal.
Sam: Well, but just to get the watch out? Is it another Hot Wheels watch?
Dean (shrugs): Dunno. Says it's either Hot Wheels or Barbie. (Cackles)
Sam (bitchface): It better be Hot Wheels.
Dean: Doesn't matter--you get that watch, whatever it is. I am so not wearing a Barbie watch.

(Dean puts the watch on. At this point, I should explain that this particular watch (it's actually kinda cute) is a glorified rubber bracelet with the watch built-in. The rubber on this Hot Wheels watch is molded to look like a tire tread. Black of course.)

Sam: Ha-ha, it's too small to get it over your hand. Guess you'll have to give it to me.
Dean: Shut up, bitch. It fits fine.
Sam: Can't you just open the box to get the watch out? It's not in the bag with the cereal.
Dean (sighs): Okay, fine. God, you're such a pain in the ass.


The second box had another Hot Wheels watch in it. What?